Many of us shy away from being real,
From showing up and letting ourselves be seen.
And I mean our true selves,
The pieces that are full of insecurities,
Our true selves that we try to cover up by putting on a smile,
Saying we are fine,
And carrying on.
When all along we are hiding.
Covering up for the lack of honesty we have to show up and let ourselves be seen.
We feel that if others see us,
For who we truly are,
Their love for us will fade,
Or they will reject us.
And let me say,
I totally understand all those things and ALL the many other things I didn’t acknowledge.
It’s hard to be honest.
It’s hard when the whole world is trying to fit us into a mold of what we should look like, how we should act, what we should be doing with our lives and how we should even feel.
The world tries to make us tough, make us fighters…
But in reality it makes us scared.
It drives us to put on a front,
Believe that how we feel doesn’t matter,
Shameful for when we show ‘weakness’,
Insecure when we address what we are really going through,
And all alone when others tell us we should suck it up.
But let me tell you this,
There is absolute radiance to honesty.
To be real with your friends, your spouse, your children, your coworkers.
To letting your yes be yes and your no be no.
To talk about your heartbreak and if people around you won’t listen, going to someone who will, whether it’s a parent, a counselor, someone you respect.
To talking to those you love about what you’re really feeling, what you’re going through.
To talk about the good and the not so good.
To not shy away from addressing the things that bother you,
That which inspires you and
And that which motivate your heart.
So, out of honesty,
Let me ask you this,
Why do you hide?
What has been keeping you from being you,
From being honest,
And bold in who you are?
And are you willing to move past them?
Now I’m not writing this saying I am the most honest person,
Or that I have it all figured out.
I am writing this from a place of realization.
Realizing that I haven’t been honest all my life,
That I use to hide,
And that I still do.
In the moments that I can either be vulnerable and rise up or shrink back, I want to fight to not shy away from it.
But I still fall short from being a woman of courage, of love.
I want to be bold and stand up.
I don’t want to hide who I truly am because it may not be what the world sees as ‘perfect’ or ‘strong’.
I want to be honest with others about what makes me upset,
Why I get frustrated,
About my fears and insecurities.
I don’t want to live suppressing who I am because I’m not as put together as others may like.
For I don’t live to please men,
I live to please Our Father in Heaven.
And that sets me free to be me.
To be full of flaws, doubts, frustration, hurt, regrets,
Because as I look to Him,
I am able to move past those things,
Because I am no longer pretending they aren’t there but addressing them.
It is a beautiful thing,
A freeing thing,
No longer being chained down,
Hiding who you really are.
Living being honest,
Full of love and seasoned with grace,
Is the way our King has gone before us.
To embrace who we are, mess and all and letting Him be glorified through that.
A couple books I have read that have challenged me,
And help starting to refine me are,
“Boundaries” Henry Cloud and John Townsend
“Hidden in Plain Sight” Mark Buchanan
“Love Does” Bob Goff
“The Meaning of Marriage” Timothy Keller
“Practicing the Presence of People” Mike Mason
So I sit here and encourage you to deal with your stuff,
To be bold in addressing what you’re not okay with,
The struggles you face,
The hurt you hold onto,
The joy you suppress out of fear of caring too much,
The lovely words you have withheld from those you love,
The words you have wished you said,
The mistakes you didn’t want to happen.
It isn’t an easy process,
Being honest that is.
But as I’ve begun to walk through searching my heart,
Figuring out the deep roots that have been growing since I was a child,
Hurt I haven’t let go of,
Pain I didn’t deal with,
As I begin to see all those things,
It can be overwhelming sometimes but at the same time freeing.
Freeing knowing that I no longer have to live like that anymore,
That I don’t have to live being bound to things that have no place holding me but that Jesus Christ has set me free from,
And I can let those things go.
For the truth about honesty is,
Everything tries to keep us from getting there.
Memories try to keep us in hiding,
Reminding us that we are full of flaws,
Maybe full of pain,
But to step out from that rain cloud and into the Sun,
To acknowledge that everyone has mess,
Everyone is imperfect,
No matter how good they try to make themselves to be.
And no one is greater than another,
All sin, is counted the same.
To the person who steals,
To the person who commits adultery,
It is all the same.
And that is freeing, that is beautiful to me,
To see that we are all in the same gutter looking up to Him who is perfect,
To Him who loves us regardless of our inward ugliness,
And still calls us to come to Him.
To come as we are,
So that in His presence, we can be made beautiful.
Not the other way,
That we can only come to Him when we are worthy of it,
But we come to Him when we have nothing in and of ourselves worthy enough,
And He reminds us that, His grace is enough.
For the truth about honesty,
Is that it is a breathe of fresh air,
That renews life within me.
Knowing that in His presence is the fullness of joy,
That we no longer have to let those things chain us down,
But by facing them head on,
Letting light shine on all the darkness,
The pieces in us that we have hidden,
The things we try to avoid,
No longer will imprison me,
But His Truth,
Set me free.
But I must choose to embrace that freedom.
Choose to work through things and let them go.
Choose to no longer remain where I am but let Him show me the areas of pain, of hurt, of remorse I hold onto,
The ingrained memories that I have lived by,
And work through those things.
Whether by speaking with friends, people I respect, counselors,
Knowing that I am not alone,
And that through being honest,
I am free to be who God Almighty,
Our Savior and King,
Died for me to be.
Through reading His Word, prayer and worship,
I am able to live a life where I am no longer seeking for worldly things which will one day pass, but living on that which gives me eternal life.
No longer a slave to the things of the world,
But a beloved Child of His.
How beautiful is that?
How sweet the sound,
That saved a wrench like me.
I once was lost,
But now I’m found,
Was blind but now I see !