Starting Over.

It’s something we try to avoid.

We hold onto things longer than we should,

We don’t want to let go of the things that are draining us,

We avoid change like the plague.

We try to remain where we are,

In fact,

We try to keep others in our lives, even if they shouldn’t be.

Keep doing the things that once brought us life, even if now it does the opposite.

And hold onto the pain of loss rather than moving forward in life.

Because starting over is hard,

It’s painful,

It’s devastating at times.

Because what comes with starting over is having to face similar situations,

And  one of the hardest things about starting over is, fear.

We fear that we’ll lose this new thing again,

We fear feeling the same hurt,

We fear being vulnerable again,

We fear abandonment.

Truthfully we fear a lot of things.

And so when something we love dies,

Whether it be a relationship, a dream, a loved one passes, etc,

We sometimes try to keep ourselves from ever feeling such pain again.

We tend to close ourselves off,

Retreat,

Find things to distract us,

And deep down promise ourselves that we’ll never do it again.

We’ll never open up to another person,

We’ll never love something as much as we loved that,

We’ll never put all of our energy into something,

But in the midst of us making lists of what we’ll never do again,

We lose sight of all we gained from it.

We lose sight of the joy it once brought us,

Of the passions stirred in our heart to live whole heartedly,

And to never be that way again,

Would be tragic.

So I encourage you,

I cheer you on,

To live life with your heart on your sleeve.

To love without bounds and to give without expecting to receive.

Knowing that our Father can be that whom we find refuge in,

That who we get our affirmation and comfort from.

May we live using wisdom and discernment,

Knowing that to live boldly,

To live courageously,

To live jumping into new season,

New chapters,

And clinging to Jesus is far greater than remaining where we are.

Than remaining stagnant,

Remaining covered in filth and rags,

Remaining bound by chains rather than the freedom we have through Christ.

Because in life,

Loss is inevitable,

Pain will happen,

And hurt will come.

Regardless of how hard we try to protect ourselves from it.

We really can’t.

For even in the act of trying to protect oneself,

We set ourselves up for hurt and pain.

And I’m not counsellor,

I’m not saying that this is truth,

And I’m not trying to solve all of your problems.

I am simply writing something that I’ve come to see for myself.

The things that I have learned from starting over,

Time and time again.

Whether it’s relationships with others,

A new job,

Or in this case a new puppy.

I’ve learned that there is beauty,

Magnificent beauty in this process.

Even through all the rubble that the last thing caused from it’s crumbling,

The hurt I felt,

The pain I still have to work through,

And the fears I am still learning how to move past,

Being vulnerable is worth it.

And doing it all again, is something I need to do.

For I don’t want to live guarding myself,

I don’t want to live trying to keep myself from feeling things again,

For although with that comes having to feel anger, hurt and loss,

With it comes something much more worthwhile,

The joy, the love and the deep pleasure in enjoying it,

And that outweighs the not so good things.

For I look at Mud,

And am working through the loss of Kid,

But in this season of starting over,

Doing the same things that I once did a year ago;

Teaching him not to bite, how to come, not to pee inside,

Once I let go of the hurt that I am doing it again,

And get over the fact that although I don’t want to have to do it again,

That I’m in it and there is something so beautiful that will come out of this,

I can see the Lords hand on it.

I can see His goodness,

I can see that He does this with me over and over again.

That although I make mistakes,

He is faithful to still call me to Him, time and time again.

Faithful to love me even though I don’t deserve it.

Faithful to call me His own even though I am far from worthy of that.

And He does that to you too.

For I have learned that starting over is not bad,

It hurts as it is something we never wanted to do,

Never were designed to do,

We learn through it.

We can learn how to work through our short comings and pain,

We can learn to forgive,

Learn how to love deeply,

Learn how to pick ourselves back up and fix our eyes on the Lord.

For we learn how to let go.

Starting over comes with learning how to move past the things we once had,

Not forgetting them but no longer gripping them tightly with fear of never having something like that again.

And sometimes we need to let that go,

For sometimes relationships end that weren’t healthy and moving past that is vital.

Other times moving on from losing someone you loved is hard and coming to realize that the love you had for that will never be the same for another but that’s okay.

Starting over again is realizing that it’s okay to not be okay.

It’s okay to feel pain,

It’s okay to talk about it,

It’s okay that you don’t want to move on,

It’s okay that you’re heart broken.

But it’s not okay to forever remain in those places.

May you be honest and real,

That is a huge step in moving forward.

For even in the midst of starting over,

I see that I have more to offer this time,

More of myself that I am able to wear my heart on my sleeve,

More of my heart I can share with others.

For I look at the Lord,

I look at those who have gone through tragedies and yet kept their eyes fixed on Him and were not shaken,

And that spurs me on to do the same.

To not let something keep me from living a life laid down for Him.

To live a life of wholeheartedness where I am reminded that we are able because He has gone before us,

And in starting over,

We allow our roots to grow deeper when we choose to see where He is in it,

Rather than just the loss that is before us.

For starting over is something we will never be able to avoid,

But rather something which we should embrace, regardless of how hard it is.

And see that there is something beautiful in it, no matter how small that might be.

You can do it,

And you can do it well.

No, you can do this new chapter better than the last.

I believe that.

So I pray that you would have eyes to see His hand upon the very thing you are starting over, that whatever it is, He would uphold you with His righteous hands and remind you of His promises. That through this, your roots would grow deeper, your heart be healed and the very things in your heart that need healing would be healed and restored. May His grace abound over you and may you see the beauty in starting over, in Jesus name.

over

 

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