He howled…a few times.
And I thought to myself,
I wonder if I could take him back.
Also said out loud a few times,
What did I get myself into?
Having a puppy wasn’t all that it was made out to be.
And a week ago when I celebrated having him for a year,
I couldn’t have imagined my life without him.
Funny how that happens to us,
How something that we at first wanted to undo – becomes the one thing that profoundly changes us,
And we are never the same because of that love.
But I realized through Kid, that some of the best things never come easy.
And it was a year of growth, a year I wouldn’t take back,
A year that although I am heart broken to have lost him,
I still wouldn’t change a thing.
I look back over Kids life and regret nothing,
And this gives me such peace,
To know that I loved him with all my heart,
And to have nothing left unsaid,
No time I wish I could have spent more with him,
For I have peace that I did the best I could with my whole heart,
And how Kid joyfully lived, I knew he knew that.
I now just feel the pain of never being able to see his sweet face again,
Or kiss his nose,
Or enjoy watching him plod along in front of me.
That’s what hurts the most, the loneliness that comes from loss.
But all this has encouraged me to live my whole life like that towards others.
To love freely, to love as a kid does, purely and with joyful intentions.
Thankful to have had the gift of his life and all that our gracious God taught me through that little dog.
For although he may have just been a dog to you,
To me he was more.
He was something that taught me patience,
That taught me joy,
That taught me how to be less selfish and mostly, taught me the depth of our Fathers heart.
I watched him as he would run through the forest, his tail always wagging.
I watched him as he sat peacefully with me, wanting nothing other than to be close.
I watched him as he waddled up to kids, so happy to see them and gently kiss them and let them return it.
And my heart aches as I miss that companionship,
As I miss seeing his sweet face crinkle up with pure joy when he would see me.
And in the midst of this heart break,
I turn to the Lord because I have realized that He is all that remains in this life.
And I am truly thankful for that,
For in this pain and the loss of something I loved with all my heart, I can turn to the One who gives hope and know that my life will move forward and He will hold me through it. That is a beautiful reassurance.
For I have gone through some of the phases of grief so far,
And at first it was anger.
I was mad that God would have taken the one thing I loved so much in my life.
Mad that God wouldn’t have just brought Kid back down the road rather than let him get hit.
I was mad, but I was also devastated.
And in that, I turned to the Lord.
Because I realized that being mad was not going to bring Kid back and it was actually making me miss appreciating the beautiful gift he was to me.
So I looked to the Lord,
And was reminded that I don’t always have to understand everything but to walk by faith.
Believing that although I am broken, He can hold me.
He can sustain me and through this He loves me.
That He is a good Father, and that although I had Kid for the time I did,
He brought so much into my life and actually made me a better woman.
The Lord showed me His love through Kids little life,
Showed me how to come joyfully to Him through all things,
How to have joy even in the littlest things,
How to enjoy His company and to love uncontionally.
Kid showed me how to walk with the Lord in a close way,
Because Kid did that with me.
I prayed over Kids little life that he would be a source of joy,
That the Lord would teach me how to have child-like faith again,
And I learned that and so much more.
I learned how to love others deeply, how to be vulnerable, how to learn patience
And how to put something else above my own needs.
And I loved Kid,
I loved him with all of my heart and the beautiful thing is, he returned that love ten fold.
Why I wrote this blog,
I guess is to share the beautiful life that Kid gave me back,
The heart that has grown in me because of a little dog who loved me so deeply,
And because of a God who longs to show His love to us.
I am not writing this to say I am over grieving or am okay with this loss,
For I am not yet.
I ache, and my heart is heavy.
I mourn the loss of a companion I loved beyond anything I ever expected,
But somehow I have peace that through all this,
God is with me,
He is for me,
And He still longs to show me His heart.
Reminding me that His love goes deep and if I turn to Him, He can mend this brokenness.
I am thankful for all those who have messaged me, encouraged me, and are loving me through this.
But mostly, I am thankful that for a year,
The Lord gave me a precious gift,
One that brought not only me, but many abundance joy and a love that ran deep.
A little dog named Kid who taught me how to be a kid again,
And how to grow in child-like faith towards a Father who holds it all.
And who taught me the most precious lesson – how to be Kid-like in all things, through all circumstances and to look at the one whom you love and serve with nothing but joyful anticipation to love them well.
For that’s what that little dog did for me, and I am honored for that.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”