In my weakness.

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I wish I could say I wasn’t broken.

That I wasn’t weighed down and burdened.

That I didn’t feel as though I am falling apart.

For in these past two months, I have cried more than I have in a while.

I have felt the weight of tiredness, of exhaustion and of weariness.

Above all else, I have felt the weight of not letting things go.

Of not giving all that I am trying to hold onto, to God.

This past week, I broke. I could no longer hold the weight I was carrying. And in the midst of that brokenness, He brought people into my life to speak tenderly to me, to listen to me and to support me. He spoke to the quietness of my heart and in my weakness. He showed me that it’s okay.

That it’s okay to be broken and it’s okay to need people, for I can’t do it alone.

It’s okay to let go of my fears and allow others into my brokenness to help me.

I have realized my need for others and slowly, allowing myself to receive love from them.

Because people need to see brokenness, they need to know that you can relate to them, that they aren’t alone in their brokenness either.

I believe brokenness draws people together and strengthens relationship. For in weakness, our hearts are tender, our hearts are open and needing the loving words of someone. In our weakness we are longing for comfort, for hope, for peace.

I am thankful that there is a King who is all those things. And although I am still learning how to look to Him through my weaknesses, He reminds me that He can carry all the weight I am loading myself with. He is there to show me the people He has placed in my life to help me carry that load and He is teaching me how to let it go.

How to accept that I am not able to do it all alone and to let go of the expectations I place on myself.

And although I am relating this to me, I hope you can draw from this lesson.

Because it’s not easy being broken, being vulnerable and being weak.

It’ hard to let go of our pride and see that we need one another and we need Gods love.

If you are broken, you can probably understand how difficult it is to let others in and how to look to God rather than be angry at Him.

For me, it’s hard to let others see my weakness.

But that is where the Lord quiets my heart and says,

“But when you are weak, you are strengthen by my strength rather than your own.”

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.  Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong”
2 Corinthians 12:9-11

For when I am weak, I am able to see my great need for God.

Because God isn’t afraid of all the things happening. He isn’t worried but rather secure, knowing what will happen.

God isn’t afraid of my weaknesses. He isn’t afraid of me being broken, for in my brokenness, He is able to make things stronger.

So often we are afraid of being weak because we are afraid no one else will be able to relate or that we are the only ones.

But that isn’t true, for we are all broken, we are all weak and we don’t have it together and that’s okay.

In my bitterness, anger, frustration and loss of patience, I am able to see that I am far from who God desires me to be and I need Him even more. Although I don’t have the answers to everything and for most of the things I face, I question as to why this is happening, why I can’t just have a break, why things can’t be easy – I still have this peace within me. Acknowledging that God is Almighty, All Powerful and still in control. That He can see far more than I can and if I hold onto it, there is no hope but if I surrender it, it is in the hands of a God who can mend what is broken and restore that which I feel is lost.

For I am broken and I am far from perfect.

I stress to much and allow my anxiety to get the best of me, rather than trusting in the Lord and not fearing what’s to come or what I am in the midst of.

I am able to see that I do not control anything and I am not able to make straight the paths that have become crooked – only He can.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones”
Proverbs 3:5-8

I have come to see that He loves me despite my flaws and still chooses me.

He loves me even though I am imperfect.

He loves me enough to stand with me even when I am wound up and worried.

He is faithful to bring people into my life to speak life and hope back, when I have lost it.

He is gracious enough to be patient with me when I am not.

For as a sweet friend of mine mentioned to me today,

Just like a fearful horse in the round pen, they just need to face up to the person in the middle.

We need to turn in to face God, to learn to trust that His ways are greater than ours and thoughts higher than ours.

We need to turn in rather than turning away.

For I am broken, I am weak and I am lost without the hope of God working all things out for the good of those who believe in Him.

I am someone who makes mistakes, who speaks without thinking and who gets tired when I find myself living out of my own strength.

And I have realized that it’s okay.

It’s okay to be broken, and I am saying this to you too.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to be weak and to not have it all together. It doesn’t make you any less of a human or worthy of love.

It’s okay if you are angry, It’s okay if you are frustrated, It’s okay if you are anxious.

But it’s not okay to stay there.

Once you come to acknowledge whatever you have built up in your heart, it must be dealt with and worked through.

For when I am weak, God is able to work through my brokenness.

He is able to use scars to declare of His mercy and steadfastness.

He is able to use our past to declare His majesty and redemption.

He is able to use, as we are, in our brokenness, to draw others to Him so they may find hope in Him as well.

He is able to use me in my brokenness so others may see that it is not I, but Him who can rebuild what is breaking.

For there is no hope, for me, outside of God Himself.

When I am far from Him, allowing the weight of the world to consume me, I am overwhelmed by anxiety and worry but when I come to Him, I am able to find peace and rest for that is what letting go is. Choosing to no longer hold onto what is not ours. Choosing to not hold onto the things we cannot change but let Him deal with it. Letting go is surrendering the very things that are weighing us down, so that others may see God pull us out of our weakness by strengthening us with His grace, to do what we could never do without Him.

He is able to use my anger and frustration to quiet me so I can see Him in the midst of chaos. He is able to show me His love even when I don’t deserve it at all. And in the midst of my tired heart questioning Him, He gently calls me to Him, not always to speak but to rest in Him. To sit there and let His peace flood my heart and quiet my mind, reminding me of His unfailing promises.

For He is great and abounding in love.

He cares for us and when we are broken before Him, He can speak to us. He can quiet our hearts and remind us of who He is.

I pray that this encourages your heart.

For whatever weakness you are feeling, we have a rock who in unchanging and unfailing. Who remains strong and tender even in the midst of heartbreak, failure and fear.

One last thing, you won’t always be broken. For by His grace, He can strengthen you as you allow Him too. He can heal and restore.

Turn in to Him.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30

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