There comes a point that I reach every so often, where I feel as though I deserve better.
I come to think that I deserve to get the job of my dreams, to get the perfect husband and to live with everything I have dreamed of.
I actually believe it for a moment and am thankful it only lasts a moment.
For I am then reminded of what I already have, and He is more than enough.
I am humbled whenever I begin to feel as though I am entitled to better things, for who am I to think that I deserve anything good?
You may be reading this and thinking of all the things that you have done that are good, or worth praise but in light of who God is, we have nothing good in and of ourselves and truly we have nothing where we deserve God’s blessing and favor. We can never be at a place in life where we are good enough to actually receive something from God because it is only by His grace that we have anything good.
For I truly don’t deserve anything good, I am not good in any way, shape or form, only God is good and only He deserves the best.
He deserves the best of me, He deserves all of my heart.
And He doesn’t even demand that of me, He just gently asks. And that is what brings me to realize how worthy He is of all things and all of me. For He is gentle, He is loving and He is kind, unlike me. How could I want anything else in this world other than Him? And although that is a lot easier to say then to be done, that is something to pray for, to ask the Lord. Rather than more of what we think we need, asking for more of Him, who we truly need.
For what I deserve…well if I were being honest, there is still a piece of me that thinks I deserve something but I know deep in my heart that I don’t. I deserve not one thing from the King of Kings, yet my heart is blown away to think that He loves me and gave me more than I ever needed so that He may live for eternity with me. And when I come to see that, I realize I don’t deserve anything else, but I have to continue to come back to that because I continue to have moments of wanting, of “needing” and of asking God why can’t I just have that one thing?
But then I remember when I was little, crying that I wanted this pony who was too much for me to control at that point in time.
Yet I cried and cried, thinking “why can’t I just have this?”
And even after my parents would explain it to me, I would just cry because it was what I wanted and what they said didn’t truly matter.
Now looking back I can see how good that decision was and how I simply didn’t understand it because I couldn’t see the bigger picture. I was so blinded by what I wanted that I didn’t see how bad it could have ended up and that my parents were making the better decision.
And that is like God with us. He is so gracious to us. He is so patient and loving.
For we continue to come to Him begging for these things that aren’t necessarily the best for us.
For we can only see the moment in front of us, when He see’s the whole picture.
We can only see the possible benefit and greatness of what could be when He see’s what already is.
How do we manage to not trust the One who has brought all this to existence?
It is far to easy to hold onto the things which are actually keeping us from better things.
For what we hold onto is nothing compared to what He is waiting to give us when we learn to lay down all we are gripping onto for what He is offering us.
We continue to try to build up our own life here, rather than laying it down and picking up the life that He has already offered us.
I get caught up into this, where I feel as though this life is what matters the most, when it doesn’t and anything we do here should be for the glory of God and in light of eternity, for that is where our wealth, our home is.
If anything, we have already received far more then we deserve, Jesus came to die so that we may live forever with Him.
Lord forgive us that we constantly want more, that we are so fixed on getting that we lose sight of what you have already given us. Forgive us for always asking and demanding rather then resting in your grace with thankfulness and praise for all that we have, whether in the eyes of the world it seems little.
For our life here on earth may be one that may not look good in this world, one that isn’t filled with riches or success. One that may even bring us to be an outcast, but it is far, far greater than blending into this world and to those around us or to be consumed by riches that will not last.
We try to complicate things in our walk with Jesus. We try to make it seem as He is so far away from us when He is really beside.
The other day, I was riding a very well broke horse and thought to myself, why don’t I have a horse like this. I kind of deserve a good horse you know? One that is already trained and good to go. Then I was reminded of the beautiful gift that God had so graciously given me of Agape and although she isn’t nearly perfect or broke, she is a gift and I didn’t deserve to get her, but I have her and through her have learned more about myself and the Fathers love then if I had a horse like him.
So often we may not understand God’s ways and will question, doubt and grieve over what we think are unanswered prayers, loss and failures, but we must remember that God’s ways are far above our own and His thoughts are far greater than ours. What He does is always in our best interest and that of the world. Even if that is hard for you to swallow, He loves you and cares for you.
We are loved by a God who see’s past our flaws, our hurts, our pains and see’s our beauty. He see’s what we truly need not simply what we think we want.
“But God being rich in mercy because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses made us alive together with Christ-by grace you have been saved-and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus. So that in the ages to come He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
So often we try to tell God what we think should happen.
We try to be god rather than let God be who He is.
We also try to make up a god who fits our lifestyle. We try to say what He would or wouldn’t do.
But in reality we don’t let God just show us who He is.
We don’t let Him show us that His ways are far beyond our own,
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
We don’t come to see that He has our best interest at heart more then we even do.
He is a God who is who He is, not who man try to make Him out to be.
He loves us and cares for us and He wants to take the small things we are demanding and show us what better things He is holding for us.
We come to God demanding our dreams to come true, begging and crying that “only if I get this” or “please let this happen”
As if we know what is best for us, when we don’t.
I have come to see how deep His love is for me, for us. That His plans far exceed my own and whatever I have let go of and laid down at His feet, how much better things have gone.
For nothing I hold onto is worth anything if Jesus is not the center of my heart.
My prayers have gone from pleading to praising. From demanding my own ways to asking that His will, will be done.
Because I don’t deserve anything from the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.
I don’t deserve anything from the One who laid down His life, for me, so that I may live.
He has already given me enough and I have to continually humble myself to realize that everything else I get is a gift from the Lord.
It is a beautiful adventure to walk with the Lord Jesus, may you come to a deep revelation of how good our Father is, seeing that He has your best interest at heart. May your heart be full of His peace and all your questions, doubts and demands be quieted as you come to know Him and be known by Him.
“May you be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”
For this is what I deserve, to live for my King everyday of my life and love Him with all of my heart so one may have a glimpse at the life they too could have.
I deserve nothing in and of myself and I couldn’t be happier. For the things I want I know won’t always be the right things or the best things and only God can give me what I need exactly when I need it, all else is filler. For I deserve death, but through Jesus I have life.