Gentle love

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I have been trying to write this blog for a few days now. It hasn’t been easy finding the words to express what I’ve come to realize and learn.

For a while, I’ve struggled with trying to discover my purpose. Is what I’m doing the greatest thing I can do for the Kingdom? Is what I’m doing what I want to be doing? Countless questions have circled by mind. Today I heard a pastor say, “If I were to be in Africa building a school, yet the Lord was calling me to be a janitor at a school but I ignored it as I felt building a school in Africa was more important. I would be disobeying God.”

That kind of stopped me. For here we are thinking we always need to be doing more and greater things. We feel that we aren’t doing enough for the Lord. In my mind, I came to see that I was here just taking care of horses while there was so much greater things I could, rather should be doing. There are people dying, and hurting around the world and here I am. But the Lord humbled me one day by gently saying, “Even Moses tended sheep until I called him to do something bigger. He was faithful with the little he had.”

I was awe struck to think that I thought I needed to be doing more and bigger things. That taking care of these horses at this camp was too small for God…too small for me. For so often we neglect that God calls His people to be in this world, even the darkest areas…and that could be, being a janitor in a school where no one knows the Lord and being a light there. It is humbling to me to see that Abba loves each person so much that He will bring people even to the least expected careers, communities, and families to proclaim His love to those around them.

Just because we are not in a poverty stricken country, does not give us a ticket out of obeying the Lord right where we are. For no matter where we are, what job we have chosen or life we have decided to live-we are called to serve the Lord here and now. Whether that means giving to charities in third-world countries or being a missionary to your workplace. Everywhere you stand, with a willing heart and yielded self, you are able to be used by the Lord in ways you may not even be able to see.

Where you are matters.

Who you are matters.

Those around you matter.

And how you live your life, the character you represent and the way you treat others, matters.

For things won’t always be given to us. The Lord longs for us to grow and build character and faith in Him. To remain rooted in His Word and grounded in our identity as children of God, right where we are so that we will continue to push back the curtain of darkness where we live.

The other evening, I walked over to our horses.

And as I stood in the herd, petting one of the older horses, the Lord whispered.

“You long for all these children, to love and care for. You long to be in the darkest parts of the world, feeding the poor and living with them, yet you cannot love these horses as your own. My child, I have entrusted to you these horses to learn how to love, how to care for and how to tend the gifts I have given you. Be faithful with them, love them and see that where you are is for a greater purpose than you can see. These horses are mine, and what you do with your time is precious.”

I looked around at the horses quietly eating. Another horse slowly walked over to me, and as I walked closer to him, he raised his head. Putting his nose against mine. How horses greet each other is they breathe into each others noses. He gently breathed into my nose as I did the same. This horses love was so gentle, he loves without bounds and longs to be loved. Yes, I know he is just a horse, but in that moment I realized he still needs to be loved.  I acknowledged that the Lord is with me here. He is with these horses and He cares for them. I have found that the Lord has taught me so much about love through these beautiful animals. How could I have forgotten all that He has done? Thinking back to what He has just spoke,He was so right…here I was thinking that I could only be useful if I were mothering orphans and caring for people in poverty stricken countries, but yet I couldn’t even love these horses so deeply. For horses are easier to love than people, they don’t say much and are pretty easy to care for, but yet in my heart I  longed to love on all these children because I felt that was what I needed to be doing and truly in my heart want to do one day. But I have come to see that everything we do is a test, is preparing us for what lies ahead. But we must not be focused on the next step, for that step may never come. The Lord looks at what we do, right here and now. Are we faithful with what we have been given?

God is good. He is gracious and He loves us. When He spoke gently to my heart, He simply reminded me of His Truth. He reminded me that we are powerful when in His hands and to not neglect what we have, simply because we want something else.

Where you are matters and I believe with all my heart that you can bring His Kingdom as you abide in Jesus. It may not look how you want it too or be similar to what another person is doing-but He has created you with a whole different heart than what He created me with. You will burn for a different passion than your neighbor does, than your friend at church or family member. And that’s okay, for each one of us are capable of fulfilling the Lords calls. We are each able to serve the Lord right where we are, but we must be willing to surrender where we think we need to be. For when we are constantly looking for the next step, we lose sight of where we are.

Be still and wait upon the Lord.

Don’t let the devil fool you with his schemes and bring your focus inwards when you are meant to be focused on Him looking upwards.

Remain faithful with what you have, where you are. He walks with you and wherever you are, however hard it is-call upon Him. He longs to be gracious to you!

“He that is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much..”
Luke 16:10

Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.
1 Corinthians 4:2

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