I gaze into her deep soft eyes, as I rub the bridge of her nose.
She stands, quietly, tenderly, looking at me.
“Where has my passion gone too?” I ask myself as I glance at this trusting, beautiful mare.
I think back to when I was a child, begging my mom for a horse. I would do hours of barn work, mucking stalls, brushing horses, watching my coach ride. It didn’t even matter if I was on a horse or not-I just wanted to be with them and wanted my own.
And now I have her. I have the one thing I dreamed of as a child. And I feel as though I don’t know if I want this anymore.
I had a passion that burned for horses. To know more about them, to become the best horseman (or should I say horsewoman) I could be.
I could name almost every breed, every part of the tack. I could of almost told you anything and everything there was to know.
But now, I stand here, looking at my own horse and I feel as though I’ve lost it.
What do we do when our passion fades?
How do we spark it again?
Where do we go to find that fresh fire?
As I sit, writing about my passion for my dream dying, I also want to bring this to our relationship with God.
What do we do when we have no desire to read the Bible, to sit and pray, or to even go to church?
What do we do when we are dry, heavy laddened and tired?
I remember what my mom told me about marriage, especially when tough times come.
“Honey, you have three choices, you can either;
Stay and deal with it, living your life just to survive or You can leave or perhaps you can change.
Now, I know this is about marriage but stay with me for a minutre as I explain. Life is not always easy and Jesus even said it wouldn’t be (John 16:33) And when the going get’s tough, we have choices, we are never stuck. However it’s the choice we make that changes everything.
We can either run from what we do not want to deal with, maybe we don’t know how to, but we can still run or we can perhaps find the strength and courage to spark that fire that once was there. It’s our choice and it starts right now.
I desperatly want to love the Lord with all my heart, even in this season of winter (not just physically but spiritually) where everything seems cold, weary and dead. I desperatly want that passion for horses back. For the Lord has brought me to a place to serve Him through them. And in the midst of losing sight of that calling, I have lost that fire for them and have stopped seeing the blessing in which He has placed me. I have stopped stewarding, because of insecurities and fears. However in the midst of darkness, I see the light, for He is light and the Lord is calling us;
He is calling us to stand in faith and not give up.
He is commanding us to put on our armor and remain rooted.
He is preparing us to resist the devil and not let him have a foothold any longer.
He is woeing us back into His heart, whispering into our ears the encouragment we need to keep going.
He is calling us back to our first love, Himself.
(Ephesians 6:16-18; James 4:7, Hosea 2:14, Revelation 2:4)
Sometimes, we do not need to do anything but, wait on the Lord.
“The Lord Himself will fight for you. Just stay still.” Exodus 14:14
For perhaps, there is hope. Maybe this isn’t the end. Maybe in the darkness He is able to bring us out victorious. And I believe that is what Jesus is calling us to do. To not lose sight of what He has shown us in the light. To keep seeking even when it’s hard. To remain focused on Him rather than all that is waging war around us and within us.
For the Lord does not want us to run when we feel it’s to tough, but to lean into Him. For what is impossible for man, is possible for God and it’s through the winter season that He is strengthening our roots in Him, it is through this time that as the concret was poured into our lives (His promises, truths and new revelation) there is a time to make that wet concret, concret and a solid foundation.
And this is the time. Do not back down. Remain standing in faith.
It is your choice to spark again the fire. To choose to jump in head first and not look back. To break out of that hole you’ve dug yourself in and grab ahold of the rope Jesus is throwing you-The Fathers grace.
Take a hold of it.
This is not the end and your passion will come back.
But first, you must choose to spark it-you must allow yourself to be woed and to woe.
Just like in a marriage that seems to be ending, you can either make a decision in your heart that it will not work and walk away-or maybe, perhaps, you can choose to stay, to do what you did in the beginning and woe her again or (if the woman, let him woe you.)
Going back for a second to Agape (my mare), I do not want to take this for granted, I do not want to lose this moment which I know I will look back and wish I did something, anything to start that passion again, if I don’t do it now.
I am choosing, right now to declare that;
I will choose Jesus, I will stand in faith even if I shake to pursue what He has given me and let Him spark that fire again in my heart. I will not give up. I will not let my insecurities and fears hinder me from letting Him use me here and now. I will no longer allow the devil to steal what the Lord has given me, rather I will guard it and tresure it and use it for His glory.
I am choosing to spark that fire and I am choosing to change.
To change my mindset, my heart and my habits. I am choosing to repent for dispresecting the talents the Lord has given me and using them for my own glory rather than His. I am choosing Jesus and laying down my selfishness.
What will you choose?
Will you choose to pray even if you don’t feel like it? Will you choose to keep going after what the Lord has called you too even if there are obstacles in the way? Will you still love the one you chose to be with?
Whatever it is that you need to choose may you see that this is your time to acknowledge “We are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those ho have faith and are saved!” Hebrews 10:39
It it time to destroy the fears, insecurities, inhibitions and lies of the devil. to no longer sit back as he takes a foothold in your life and steal away your passions, but to push past all those things and realize you are an overcomer.
“No in all these things we are mor than conquerors through Him who loved us” Romans 8:37
I pray that Our Father reveals the footholds the devil has gotten ahold of in your life and heart, and through the grace and blood of Our Lord Jesus sets you free. May He spark that passion within your heart, to come back to your first love-to know Him and be known by Him. I pray that what the Lord has brought you too, He will walk you through it by, strengthening your faith and rooting you deeper in Him. I ask that He encourages your heart and reminds you of His truths and promise. In Jesus name may you stand in faith and remain fixed on the calling He has called you too.
Instead of running away hopelessly, remain grounded and let that passion well up again within you. Do what you first did, pray and seek the Lord to stir up your heart. Do not settle until it is greater than before. For sometimes, I think He brings us to moments where we realize our own strength fails and brings us a deep revelation that although ours fails and dies out, His never does. He brings us to a moment like this to see that “We can do everything through Him who gives you strength.” Philippians 4:13
And maybe, we haven’t even lost the passion-perhaps the Lord is trying to remind us that we need to lay it down at His feet, letting Him build it up within us, so we are not doing it for our own pleasure but for His glory. This video shos me the beauty of letting our delight be in the Lord and through that He will give us the desires of our hearts in even a greater measure: Baron Batch- I am Second.
I believe in you and your dreams. Seek the Lord and never give up, never stop-It’s a relentless pursuit and He’s worth it.