letting go of what I deserve.



I don’t deserve God’s love.

I actually don’t deserve anything from Him.

As Billy Graham put it,

“God doesn’t owe us anything- yet in His grace, He still gives us good things.”

I came to a realization a little while ago, that God is greater than I am, His ways are higher than mine and His thoughts are greater than mine.

I used to feel that God owed me something, that I deserved a good life, the perfect husband and great health. I felt that I deserved all those things and whenever something happened that went against what I thought, I blamed God. I pointed my finger at Him and insited that it changed, that I recieved what I wanted.

I am forever thankful that Our Lord died so that His blood would cover our sins. For I cannot believe that at one point, I felt God was my slave, that He was under my hand rather than me being held in His. I am so thankful that He forgives us, loves us and is merciful. I am thankful that He disciplines us and refines us, showing us that He is Almighty and He is just but He is abounding in grace.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8

For how often do we pray to Our Father, insiting in things. Praying prayers that demand money, a better job, a happier life, or even a better family. How often do we cry out to God asking Him to save us, rather than seeing He already has?

For He sent Jesus to die for our sins so that we can live in a relationship with Him. So even if we go through hell and high waters, we can keep our eyes fixed on Him rather than what’s happening around us. I didn’t deserve Jesus to die for me, to die the death I should of and bear the sin that I have committed, yet He did…and here I am thinking I deserve more than that. Thinking that my life here on earth is more valuable that His own life.

I repent from thinking that God owes me anything, for actually He doesn’t. I don’t deserve a lot of money or fancy cars, I don’t deserve even to be handed my dreams on a silver platter. For in our culture we have been spoonfed the thought that we get what we want and if we don’t get it, keep fighting. We have been raised up to believe that no matter what our dreams will come true, to follow our hearts and in doing so, we will have the american dream.

I believe that God’s plans for my life are greater than even my own “greatest dream”. For sometimes our dreams don’t align with what the Lord has planned for our lives and we can still run after them but if doing so leaves the Lord in our dust, then maybe we have to re-think our dreams or our desires.

For we don’t always get what we want.

We don’t always end up with what we think or feel we should.

Our lives don’t revolve around us, even though we think they should.

It may be hard to accept and maybe you don’t believe it and that’s fine as well. I have come to this myself and am grateful that I have. I am grateful that I can see my ignornace and selfishness. I am grateful that I am able to see God’s grace. For if I kept living with the thought that I deserved something from God, I would continue to hold Him at gunpoint, holding in bitterness when my plans didn’t work out…and point fingers at Him, because I felt it was His fault.

Sometimes God has different plans for those who submit themselves to Him. There is more to a walk with the Lord than half felt prayers before bed…you know those prayers you fall asleep half way through. There is more to life than seeking God only when we want something or when we hope He better change something in our life.

God is a God of redemption, of salvation and of hope.

He longs for His children to let go of their plans, their dreams and seek His face so He can fulfill our hearts desires. For when we begin to seek Him and fall inlove with Him, aligning our hearts to His, He will become our hearts desires. Once we are humbled to realize that our lives are tiny, our lives are miniscule in comparison to eternity and we are blessed that we have an eternal home when we have accepted Jesus.

For our lives here on earth are small. We are living for an eternal kingdom not for building up our lives merely on this earth. For whatever we do, may we do it all for His glory and not our own, whether we want to be famous, rich or live happily ever after-once we put God first, and lay down those dreams-He will provide all we need to live as He calls us too, according to the riches of His grace upon each of our lives.

For right when we begin to think of ourselves as someone important or that we hold a title, we begin to place ourselves where God should be and seek that He serves us all we desire on a silver platter, because we need it, we’ve worked hard for it and we want it.

I don’t think it works like that and I have been humbled many times to realize that without the Lord, I am no one and I have nothing to offer anyone if I don’t have Him. For anything I were to do here and now, would be in vain and would be meaningless toil-but since I have Him, whatever He asks me to do, will be for His eternal kingdom and glory, which far outweighs anything I could do alone.

I pray that our Father enlightens your heart with knowledge and revelation of who He is. I ask that He continues to stir up the soil of your heart and brings you to a deep rvelation of His love for you and the life you have through Christ Jesus. May your eyes be opened to see and ears be opened to hear, the good news that awaits you in Jesus name.

For although I don’t deserve anything…
He still shows me how great He is. Not because I deserve it but because of who He is. For when coming to that realization, you are able to abound in thankfulness through all things-for without Him, I would have nothing. I would have no hope of something better, even if that better only happens to be in heaven when I die. For nothing on earth, no pleasure, no money, could ever equate to the riches of living eternity with God. For that hope, far out weighs anything I could ever dream of here on earth. And even when things don’t go as I had planned or things are going horrible in my life-I can turn to Him and seek His face through it, asking that His hand be upon the situation and my life, rather than trying to make it through alone and turn away from Him.

I have also come to see that everything I have laid down at His feet such as my; hopes for a great life, money, health, a husband, a great job-the more He has given me. Whatever we lay down before the Lord, He will lift up in greater ways, in unexpected and marvelous ways. For whatever we try to hold onto, we don’t allow Him to move through it in our hearts. May you learn the beauty of surrender and trust in Him with the little you have. For although I am somewhere in my life, I had always dreamed of, it has taken time to get here, it has taken obedience and going to different places to come to one where now, I am able to glorify the Lord through it, rather than holding onto it, greadily thinking that this is all because of me and I deserve this, so of course I have it…I am thankful that the Lord has blessed me with what He has and when this changes I pray that I will be just as thankful because I trust that His ways are always greater than mine, no matter what.

Although you don’t deserve anything from Him, He still loves you more than you know to walk with you through it, for He cares for you and longs for you to come to Him for all things, in child like faith.

God is good.

“Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else.But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus.God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:1-10



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