About four months ago, I stood feeling defeated, overwhelmed and frustrated. I felt wasn’t living up to what God has placed on my life. I felt over loaded with what I felt expectated to be doing more with my life.
Then, a soon to be staff memeber of our wonderful team, met me for the first time and within minutes, he asked, “What do you want for your life?”
I stood, speechless as I felt the Lord remind me of the desires He has placed in my heart for Him to be glorified by. I answered with a cliche answer, which made the man giggle, “Well, I want to live a life worthy of the Lord, and go wherever He calls me.”
Again he gentle pushed me, by asking, “But through that, what do you want for your life?”
In that moment I realized how I have walked the past years of my life, doing what I felt expected of me. What I thought others wanted me to live up too or who they thought I was meant to be. I put my head down and defeated said, “I don’t know what I want for myself anymore.”
And from there, a pivotal moment come to pass. I realized I had become so focused on who I should be, what I felt others expected of me, that I has forgotten the desires of my heart. I had forgotten the first vision the Lord has instilled on my heart.
He smiled at me and we talked a bit before he walked away. In that moment of defeat, came a pivitol momen tin my life. The Lord stood with me and spoke that in all things to glorify Him and the desires on my heart are not to be overlooked and pushed aside
That day, without that man knowing it, was after a week of wavering as to whether I would stay where I had come. I felt it wasn’t where I was supposed to be, I wasn’t doing what I thought others and God expected of me-because from what I thought, I was to be saving the world.
Through that time, the gracious Lord humbled me and spoke to my tender heart, “My darling, my beloved. Where you are is where I have placed you. This is your mission field. Nothing is too small for me. For my greatness can be seen even through the smallest thing. In my hands, even the small things are used for greatness. Be faithful. Persever and do not lose hope.”
From then, I have learned that the Lord uses each place we are, every situation we go through, every person we meet, to prepare us for what lies ahead. For through the summer, I have learned that the Lord will use the desires of our hearts for His goodness. I have come to be humbled to realize, apart from Him and where He has placed me, I can do nothing greater than to serve Him whole heartly.
I remember the first vision I had for my life in serving the Lord. Something that I had pushed down and burried by all the other passions I felt I should do for the Lord. In Africa, where I was saved in 2011, I remember driving through the barren rift valley. We drove by a small horse farm, the first one I saw since being there. And I desired of having a ranch camp out there where children could be sponsored to come for a week away to just be children again. To not have to worry about where their next meal was going to come from, or what chores they had to do, or who they had to take care of, but they could just be kids-running around, laughing and riding horses. The Lord reminded me of that during culture camp this week where children off the reserve come to spend a week with us. He remined me that of that vision and how pieces of it are coming to pass. He showed me that everything He has promised and placed within our hearts, He will birth at His own time.
I feel like praising Him continually, because He is so good. No matter how impatient and self centered I am, He is sefless and patient with me. No matter how badly I try to run ahead of Him, reaching for all the things I am not yet able to attain, He graciously woes me back to where He is and hands me the very thing He has prepared for me to recieve and hold.
For He has entrusted us with the community, the job, the people in our lives-to be good stewards of what He had given us and in return to glorify Him through all we do-whether we see it as great or not, all He desires are obedient hearts full of love for Him. For all those who have gone before us and done great things, such as Mother Teresa, at the time, they did not think they were doing anything great-rather doing what they felt the Lord calling them to do, with the little life they had been given.
For it is easy to get caught up into wanting more, expecting more and desiring to live up to the expectations of what we think others want for our lives. But may you be reminded, it is not about what others want, but what God has shown you, He desires for you. May we be faithful with the small things, the life we have been given and steward well the amount of talents given to us by our King!
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’The second command is this: ‘Love your neighbor as you love yourself.’There are no commands more important than these.” Mark 12:30-31
“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” I Corinthians 10:31
Remember that God is for you. He loves you and as you seek Him and love Him wholly, the desires of your heart will align with His, and through the very thing you love, He will be glorified.
So let me ask you this, what do you want for your life?